The "Good Enough" mom

You know when you were 6 and you used to compare yourself to all of the other girls in your dance class? Molly had the better dance shoes. Sarah had a prettier tu-tu. Jenny had nicer hair. You would just think to yourself 'I can't wait until I'm 16 and can drive a car. Then it won't matter who has the better shoes, clothes and hair.'

Then, when you turned 16, suddenly it was the cars you compared. And who had the nicest teeth. And who made the cheerleading squad. Amidst all of the teenage stress you would give yourself a pep-talk: 'None of this will matter when I find my true love, get married and have kids'.

I simply couldn't WAIT to be a mom. I would fall to sleep at night dreaming about how many kids I would have, what they would look like, and what they would grow up to be. There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to be good at this. That it was what I was MEANT to do.

I recently read the book: I Was a Good Mom Before I Had Kids. The title is a tongue-in-cheek expression that pokes fun at the way we perceive motherhood and how our expectations generally don't match up with the reality. I chose this book during a time when I was questioning my ability to make it through the day with my two kids under two years old. I thought a little humorous "self-help" might shed some light on the fact that I WASN'T crazy. Motherhood IS way more difficult than I had ever imagined, and oddly enough, WAY more fulfilling than I'd ever dreamed. The complexity of the journey was extremely exhausting. Somehow, I'd feel better if others felt the same way. Hey, misery loves company.

So here I am, living the dream. I'm finally at the place in my life where I just knew things would get easier. No more comparing myself to the other girls in the dance class. No more worrying about who is the most popular. Motherhood isn't about all that petty stuff, right?

WRONG.

If you're not careful, you just might find yourself as wrapped up in all of that pettiness as you were years ago. Only now it becomes even more about self-worth. And whether you're doing best for your kids. If you dug deep enough, couldn't you be a better mom? Motherhood guilt is the worst. The comparing continues. The choices are endless and the decisions determine whether your child turns out normal or grows up to be a total loser. The pressure is even greater now.

With that said, here are some of the things I am no longer going to feel guilty about:

1. I don't feed my kids all organic food all the time. Sometimes I don't even read the labels on the food containers to check that they don't include "high fructose corn syrup" or "Red dye #40". I confess that most of the time I'm in such a hurry to get through the grocery store with two screaming kids that I've opened a box of Lucky Charms before paying just to let them nosh. And I've even fallen victim to the brilliant marketing ploys of putting beloved cartoon characters on food packages so kids pitch a fit for that particular super-unhealthy box of fruit snacks. Hey, it happens. But guess what, they didn't even have organic food when I was growing up. There was fruits, vegetables and all the other crap. As far as I'm concerned, as long as I'm offering just as much if not more of the good stuff, they won't die or whither away into a pile of mush if they eat some junk here and there.
   
   
2. And how would my kids know who Diego, Mickey Mouse or the Backyardigans are on those unhealthy food packages you ask? Yes, yes, I admit, I. Let. My. Kids. Watch. TV...(GASP)!!!! To be quite honest, I wouldn't make it through the day without all of those friendly faces. You see, I like to write. And I actually have friends that send me emails so I like to check my email now and then. Both of which are virtually impossible without a full-time nanny (or, in this case, a part-time nanny named Samsung). And guess what? My kids actually LEARN from the shows that they watch. I've heard Taz sing Frere Jacque word for word. I didn't teach him that. You know who did? Barney!
   
   
3. I didn't breastfeed my kids from birth to age 3. In fact, I only breastfed Taz for 6-weeks. I developed severe mastitis 3 times and decided as I was laying in a hospital bed on IV fluids from being so sick that it was time to give up. Yes, I'm a nursing dropout. I felt guilty at the time. However Taz is now 2 years old and I'm pretty sure his IQ is in the "above normal" range.
   
   
4. I haven't jumped on the cloth diapering bandwagon. Let's face it, diapers are expensive. And judging by the stench coming from my garage if the garbage can is left the slightest bit open, I'm gonna say that it's probably not the most sanitary option. Nor is it "earth friendly". I know, I know, I get it. I've seen all of the statistics about diapers in land-fills. I'm just not willing to give up this convenience. Call me un-green or a hater of mother earth. Call me what you will. But I've already got laundry up to my eyeballs everyday. The last thing I want to do is revisit a soiled diaper that's been sitting in the dirty clothes pile for three days. To each their own.
   
   
5. My kids will be spoiled. They won't get every toy they lay their eyes on. They won't have the nicest clothes that money can buy. But they will be spoiled in the fact that they will be loved to the fullest. My husband and I are very "hands on" people. We must say "I love you" a hundred times a day - in a hundred different ways. My kids know that we love them from the many hugs and squeezes we give them. From the time we spend reading them books. From the "special treats" they get when they have made us proud. And if every now and then I let them have the toy they ask for at the store, I won't feel bad about it. Because I know that if I do my job right, they'll know that our love wasn't only shown through gifts, toys and trips to the zoo. They'll learn to appreciate that the true meaning of love is better than anything money can buy.

I don't fault anyone who chooses to do things differently than me. I'm obviously admitting that the way I do things may not be what is the most popular. Or the "best" according to critics. But from me my kids will also learn another very important lesson. I will always try to be the best mom that I know how to be. I will admit my mistakes along the way, acknowledge that I can always strive to do better, and understand that you don't always have to be "the best" in order to be happy. As long as they approach life with the same attitude, then we'll have a mutual respect for each other. Because sometimes being "good enough" is all that matters.